


Bitter Rivals

by sleepdeprivedphilosopher



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, Co-workers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Oblivious Simon Snow, according to simon anyway, and uses his powers for evil, baz is assistant manager, but doesn't that go without saying for these two?, but here we are, dunno if they have those in England or not, let me live, nitpicking in the name of love, they're all working at barnes and noble, yes the title is a coffee pun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-04-07 02:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19075672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepdeprivedphilosopher/pseuds/sleepdeprivedphilosopher
Summary: Shenanigans abound in this tale of espresso, frappuccinos, and emotional constipation. Watch as Simon and Baz deal with the struggles of customer service, and maybe, eventually, (hopefully for Penny’s sanity) learn how to actually express their feelings for each other.I wouldn’t get your hopes up though.or the barnes and noble au that literally no one asked for.





	1. nepotism and almond milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring: ebb’s bleeding heart, baz’s fake smile, perfectly spiraled whipped cream, an almond milk crisis, some lady named sharon who claims to be lactose intolerant, five broken plates, and simon’s angry rant. the cult of BBC Merlin gains another follower
> 
> and all good love stories start with nepotism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, void 
> 
> so I know I already have a work in progress, but I've been working a lot lately and this au won't leave me alone. soooooo
> 
> not sure how often this will be updated. I have a vague idea in my head about where it is heading, but it probably won't be anything consistent. 
> 
> um enjoy?

**Baz**

Bunce was the reason for all of it really. None of this would have happened if she hadn't approached me in the break room that summer evening. 

I was on my final fifteen during a nine-hour closing shift drinking the last of my mocha when Bunce sat down in front of me. 

This wasn't entirely unusual. Bunce and I like to talk about books sometimes, but the look on her face was new. All intense determination like she was preparing to defend her college thesis or win the finals for her high school debate team.

Nonetheless, I was still happy to see her. I do enjoy our book conversations. She's as avid of a reader as I am and I'd run out of Instagram feed to scroll through. 

Still, I had to play the part even if I do actually consider Bunce a friend. "What?" I had asked her, putting down my mocha. 

"Are you guys still hiring in cafe?" Penny asked instead of answering. 

"Yes," I said. "We are, why?" 

"A friend of mine is looking for a job right now," Penny told me. 

"Okay," I said. "If they want a job here, they can apply online." 

"He has," Penny said. "I just know that you are usually the one doing the interviewing and I was hoping that I could put in a good word." 

Penny was right even though I'm only the assistant manager. I'm usually the one interviewing. Ebb is normally too busy chasing down this week's delivery mix up and has a bleeding heart besides. We would never get competent help if she was the one in control of hiring. 

I'd considered it. I am not usually one for nepotism even if I am blue blood, but Penny is a good sort. Intelligent and a hard worker, so I was confident that any friend of hers would be as well. 

I was half right. 

"What's his name?" I said. 

Penny beamed at me. "Simon Snow." 

I picked up my phone and typed out the name into my notes. "I'll look into it." 

"Thanks, Baz," Penny said, still smiling. 

"Whatever," I said. "Just because I'm agreeing to interview him doesn't mean that he'll get the job." 

Penny was already getting up. "My half is up thanks again, Baz. I'll see you later." She waved to me cheerfully as she left the break room. 

I sighed. Neither of us had known then what she'd put into motion. 

I set up an interview with Simon Snow for that next week, but I had to call in with the flu on the day we scheduled, so I wasn't the one who ended up interviewing him. Ebb was. 

Snow got the job. 

Like I said before Ebb's a bleeding heart. 

 

**Simon**

"Snow I am this close," Baz says as he tops off a white mocha frapp with whipped cream. In a perfect spiral of course. "To firing you." 

I roll my eyes. This is a common threat of his. "You're not in charge of that." 

Baz secures a lid on the frapp. Somehow managing not to spill it everywhere. The counter is just as clean as it was when he started even though we are in the middle of a rush on a Saturday. Baz never leaves any mess, and even Agatha makes a mess when making frappes. They're messy drinks. 

"Not yet," Baz says, stepping around me to go place the finished drink on the end of the counter. "Venti white mocha frappuccino for Sharon," he calls. 

Sharon appears at the end of the counter. "This has almond milk now right?" she asks. 

Baz nods with an apologetic smile on his face. "Yes, it does. I'm so sorry about before." 

"That's all right, dear," Sharon reassures. She's much nicer now. She chewed me right out before when I tried passing her the drink the first time. "As long as it has it now." 

"It does," Baz says again still smiling that fake customer service smile. Baz never smiles honestly. So it is super unnerving when he tries. 

Sharon is fooled by it though and walks away without any further issue. I suppose if there is one good aspect of Baz its that he is excellent at defusing customer situations. Whenever anyone gets angry with him, he just gets cooler and cooler until he is giving them a blank smile and a calm apology. Works like a charm every time. I'm not sure how he does it exactly, he hates people, but I guess he got the assistant manager position somehow.

"She didn't say almond milk," I tell Baz when she's out of earshot. Who asks for almond milk and whipped cream anyway? If you are lactose intolerant then whipped cream isn't going to help you either. I think she was just being difficult. 

The smile drops, and Baz gives me a sneer. "I'm sure she did. Whenever someone speaks to you, it goes in one ear and out the other." 

"Does not," I disagree. 

Baz taps his forehead. "Well, it isn't like anything is blocking the way." 

I glare at him, but he is already picking up the grande cup Agatha just put down. "Get back to work, Snow," he orders without looking at me. "We're not paying you to stare. Make sure to listen more closely this time, too, please. I don't want to keep remaking drinks for you." 

I grumble to myself as I walk back up to the front of the counter. "What can I get started for you?" I ask the next customer in line. 

I do listen closely as the man gives me the rundown of his latte order. I always listen closely. I swear that no matter how well I do my job Baz will find something to nitpick or complain about. Whenever Agatha or Niall screws up, he doesn't give them nearly as much heat as he gives me. 

Baz never screws up. He's too perfect for that. 

"Ugh, he is driving me crazy!" I tell Penny later when we're sitting on our couch watching telly. We usually carpool if we are both closing which we were tonight. 

"Simon," Penny says. 

"I mean it was about freaking almond milk!" I continue. "Sharon didn't say that she wanted almond milk Penny. She didn't." 

"Simon," Penny says again. 

"Every little mistake I make is under a microscope! Nothing I ever do is good enough! He always makes me feel so stupid!" I should probably stop yelling, but I'm on a roll now. Every little frustration is rapidly spilling out of me. 

"Like I am terrible at my job and it is so beneath him to lend any sort of assistance. Did you know yesterday I asked him how many pumps a tall chai latte gets? Instead of answering me he told me I really ought to know that by now and then walked away. I do know it Penny I just wanted a refresher!" 

Penny grabs me by my shoulders and turns me to face her. "Simon breathe," she orders, and I shut up. 

I slowly take a breath. 

"Better?" she asks after the red haze leaves my vision. 

"Yeah," I say and sink back further into the couch. "Sorry." 

"It's fine," Penny dismisses. "I know that today was stressful. It's always like this over the holidays." 

"So many people," I say. 

Penny hums in agreement. 

"So it isn't going to get better?" I ask. 

Penny shakes her head and gives me a cheerful sounding, "Nope!" 

"Ugh," I groan again. "I guess that means that Baz will only get worse too." 

"Probably," Penny says. "Don't let him get to you, Si. Baz is just like that. He'll warm up to you eventually." 

"That's what you always say," I reply. "And how long have I been working with him now?" 

"Six months," Penny offers after a moment's thought. 

"Six months," I repeat. "And nothing's changed. He still treats me like I'm an idiot." 

"Baz treats everyone like they're an idiot," Penny says. 

"He doesn't treat you like one," I point out. 

"I've been working with him for three years," Penny says. "Also I'm not an idiot." 

"Are you saying that I'm one?" 

Penny shrugs. "You do have your moments. Didn't you break some plates yesterday?" 

"Who told you that?" I ask though I already know. 

"Baz told me," Penny says. Called it. "Told me this afternoon while we were on our half." 

"Well, yes," I say. "I did, but people break stuff all the time. Agatha broke a mug last week." 

"Five plates though Si, really?" 

My face is burning. "Whose side are you on?" 

"I'm not on anyone's side," Penny sighs. "Honestly this whole feud thing is ridiculous. Baz isn't out to get you." 

"Says you," I mutter. "You don't have to work with him." Penny doesn't work in cafe. She's on the book floor. Baristas and booksellers share a breakroom, but otherwise, don't interact much during shifts. The only other time I see Pen when we're both working is when she comes up and orders an iced Americano during one of her breaks. 

"Look can we stop talking about Baz?" Penny asks. "We just started season three. This is one of the best seasons." 

"You said that about the last two," I say, but good naturally turn my attention back to Merlin. We got Netflix last month finally, and we've been steadily working our way through our queue. Merlin is one of Penny's favorite shows, and she hasn't had the chance to rewatch since it went off the air. She rediscovered it on Netflix and has since been trying to convert me. 

I'll admit that I'm enjoying it. I've always liked magic stories. 

"It's because they were," Penny says and tosses a handful of popcorn into her mouth. 

I reach into the bowl for some too and try to take my mind off Baz. 

It doesn't really work. Baz is always on my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this post was completed at 2:45 AM on a Monday morning. My opening shift is at 8:00 AM. 
> 
> don't be like me friends. 
> 
> -still sleep deprived.


	2. the haunting of baz’s last nerve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring: bickering, an anti cup ghost, blatant sarcasm, floating parchment paper, discontinued marshmallow syrup, an H&M employee named elliot who simon is definitely not jealous of, logical explanations, simon’s obliviousness, and baz’s rainbow pin. hindsight is 20/20 
> 
> and taking the piss is equal to flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey void, 
> 
> I'm back at it again with another update.
> 
> ....for this story and not Essential. 
> 
> I swear I haven't abandoned it, it's only that this au is seriously not leaving me alone. scout's honor. 
> 
> anyway, thanks for leaving kudos and comments they are always appreciated. 
> 
> enjoy!

**Simon**

The hot grande cup goes flying out of Baz's hand. It lands on the floor with a dull thud — everyone present freezes. 

Niall's eyes are wide, and Agatha looks like she might faint. 

Baz, for his part, just looks confused. Nonetheless, he reaches down, picks up the cup, and throws it away. Then he gets a new one, more gently this time, and returns to taking the customer's order. 

Slowly Niall and Agatha go back to what they were doing too. Agatha is steaming 2%, and Niall is mixing a refresher. 

I'm still frozen. 

Baz never drops things. 

"Ah, ha!" I finally say once my mind catches up. 

Baz turns around to face me, one eyebrow already at half mast. He sets the cup down in front of the syrups and pushes it towards Agatha. "What?" 

I point at the trash can where the fallen cup has been laid to rest. "This proves it," I say.

"Proves what Snow?" Baz asks. 

"That we have a ghost," I say. "Obviously." 

Baz blinks at me. "What the hell are you on about?" 

"We," I say and make a gesture to encompass Agatha, Niall, and me. "Think we have a ghost." 

Baz glances over at Niall, disappointed. "Don't tell me you believe this rubbish too?" 

Niall shrugs and caps the refresher shaking it around a little to blend it some more. "I didn't until a second ago." 

"Hear me out," I say. 

"Why?" Baz says. 

"We have a ghost," I continue my explanation, ignoring him and his negativity, "because everyone has been dropping cups today." 

Baz somehow manages to look even more disbelieving. He looks like he is trying to figure out what is wrong with me. "You think we have a ghost because I dropped a cup?" 

"Yes." I snap my fingers at him in agreement. "You never drop cups. You never drop anything!" 

"I don't see what this has to do with a ghost," Baz says. 

"An anti cup ghost," I say. "It keeps knocking cups out of our hands."  


Baz still looks unconvinced. 

I keep trying. "We've been dropping cups all day today. Just look at the trash, and you'll see how many." 

"It is probably just because whoever stocks cups last shoved them in too hard," Baz explains calmly. "It messed with the mechanism." 

"Screw off with your logic," I say. "Logic has no place here." 

"Clearly," Baz says. Niall turns a laugh into a cough. 

"I have more evidence," I say. 

Baz rolls his eyes. "Can't wait to hear it." 

"This morning while Agatha was out sampling," I start. "I was standing by the register." 

"Not doing your job probably," Baz interrupts. I ignore him. 

"While I was standing there I saw something in my peripheral," I say. 

Baz snorts. "Wow, that's a big word, Simon. I didn't know you had it in you." 

"I saw something in my peripheral," I repeat without acknowledging him. He only calls me Simon when he is being really condensing. It isn't worth getting pissed about. 

"Pray tell what was it?" Baz asks dryly. 

"A piece of parchment paper," I say. 

"Truly terrifying," Baz deadpans. 

If we weren't at work, I'd flip him off. We are at work though so I resist. He's such a sarcastic prat it drives me mental. 

"The parchment paper was floating towards me," I say pushing my temper down. "All by itself." 

"Snow it was probably just the oven fan." Baz waves a hand dismissively. "Honestly all that you're doing is proving how much of an idiot you are, which you don't need to do by the way. We all already know. The secret's out." 

I huff and turn to Agatha. "Do you think there is a ghost Ags?" 

Agatha looks thoughtful. "I mean we have been dropping a lot of cups." 

"Well," Baz says. "If I were a ghost I'd certainly wouldn't spend my afterlife knocking cups out of people's hands. I'd spend my time terrorizing my enemies." 

"Maybe they really didn't like Starbucks when they were alive," I suggest. "Maybe Starbucks was their enemy." 

"We're not Starbucks though," Baz argues. "We're Barnes and Noble cafe." 

I shrug. "Close enough." 

"This is how people get confused, Snow," Baz says. "It's bad enough when they think they can use their Starbucks rewards here." 

"I think it is done on purpose," I muse. "We are purposely confusing people to think that we are Starbucks only to have them find out once they've already ordered that we aren't. By that point, they're already committed, yeah? And most don't back out." 

"Well aren't we full of conspiracy theories today," Baz comments then turns on his heel. "I'm going to sort through the supply order. Try not to get killed by any ghosts while I'm gone." 

"Like you'd be sad if I did," I mutter. 

"Fair point," Baz says. "If you die by a ghost Snow then I promise I'll believe you." With that, he disappears into the back. 

A few hours pass before Baz joins us again. He pushes open the doors separating the kitchen from the counter and goes to refill his water cup. There is a dark cloud hanging around him. 

"Didn't go well?" Niall asks. The only person currently working brave enough to ask. 

"No," Baz answers, and he is as near as he gets to fuming. "It did not. Not only did they not deliver the replacement mango dragon fruit base they also didn't give us the holiday syrup we need to make the new latte, and we are supposed to start selling it tomorrow." Baz takes a breath. "And," he continues. "They refuse to exchange the marshmallow syrup for what we actually need. Honestly, how'd they even manage to get a hold of some? We haven't sold the s' mores frappuccinos in months!" 

Niall walks over and gently pats Baz on the shoulder. Niall truly knows no fear. "I'm sorry mate," he says. 

Baz sighs. "I've dealt with it the best that I can," he says. "I'll update Ebb when she gets here maybe she'll have better luck with the marshmallow syrup." 

"We could always," I start but Baz holds up a hand to cut me off. "I don't want to hear whatever idiotic suggestion you were about to voice," he says. 

"I'm going to do some dishes," Niall says in a poor disguise to leave the impending argument. Agatha looks like she wants to go with him. 

"I was only going to say," I continue. 

"Nope," Baz says. "Just stop." 

I cross my arms. "It isn't idiotic." 

Baz raises an eyebrow. "So you weren't about to suggest that we recreate the s' mores frappuccino, but instead of blending it we make it into a hot drink?" 

I pout. "No," I say even though he's right. I was about to suggest it. How the hell did he guess? 

"Oh please," Baz says. "You're not that clever Snow. I can read you like a book. One of the lame YA ones too. With the vampires and eighth-grade reading level." 

"Didn't know you were a Twilight fan Baz," one of the regulars asks. He's leaning against the counter, smiling. 

"I'm not," Baz says. "My little sister was, though. She's thankfully grown out of it now." He picks up a grande cold cup. "The usual Elliot?" 

"Yes please thanks," Elliot says. Elliot is one of my favorite regulars. He works at the H&M in the mall and stops to buy a drink whenever he's working. Elliot's always smiling, and he's constantly taking the piss out of Baz. It's beautiful to watch since Baz can't really fight back. 

Baz has already marked the cup. Sometimes it seems like he knows Elliot's schedule better than the man himself does. He passes it to Agatha. 

Agatha picks up the cup. "Iced Americano with two extra shots?" she clarifies needlessly. 

Elliot nods. "That'll be great thank you, Agatha." 

Agatha smiles. "You're welcome, Elliot." 

"All right, Simon?" Elliot asks when he catches sight of me. 

I nod. "Yeah," I say. "You?" 

"Fine," he says, pulling out his wallet and returning his attention to Baz. "Need my phone number?" he asks him. 

Baz shakes his head. "You insult me." He types in the number quickly to bring up Elliot's membership. 

"I was wrong to doubt you," Elliot agrees good naturally. He's smiling at Baz and Baz is smiling back. I was weirded out by it all at first (Baz doesn't smile at anyone), but I've mostly gotten used to it now. Elliot inserts his debit card. "So I was going to ask you something Baz," he continues after the machine beeps at him to remove his card. 

Baz raises an eyebrow. "Ask away." 

"Do you have any days off in the near future?" Elliot asks. Something in his tone is making me frown. I can't quite put my finger on why though. 

Baz smirks. "I might," he says. "Who wants to know?" 

"Well, I'm having a few friends over for the match on Friday night. Are you interested?" he asks. 

Baz hums in consideration. "I'll have to double check my schedule," he says at last. "Can I give you an answer tomorrow?" 

"Tell you what," Elliot says. "How about you just text me when you know? Since you already have my number memorized." 

Baz's face is amused. I've never seen him this amused before. Or well I've never seen him this amused when it isn't at my expense. The edge of cruelty is missing from his expression. "So I do," he agrees. "I'll be in touch." 

Elliot is basically beaming now. "Great," he says and accepts the finished drink from Agatha. "Looking forward to it." He waves at Niall when he comes out of the back and Niall returns it. "I'll be seeing you then." 

When Elliot's walked away, Agatha immediately turns on Baz. "Are you finally saying yes?" she asks him. 

Baz studies his fingernails in a disinterested manner. "Maybe," he hedges. 

Agatha slaps the side of his shoulder in excitement. "Baz!" she says. "Are you serious?" 

"Wait did he say yes this time?" Niall asks, joining the conversation. 

"Yes, to what?" I ask, confused. 

"To a date!" Agatha exclaims. 

"Keep your voice down Wellbelove," Baz rebukes, but he's smiling. 

What the hell is happening? 

"What do you mean a date?" I ask. I'm so out of the loop. 

Niall turns to look at me. "You serious Simon?" he asks. After he deduces from my expression that I am, he explains, "Elliot has been trying to get Baz to go on a date with him for about a year now." 

"Seven months," Baz corrects. 

"A year," Niall argues. "Just because you were too dense to realize that he was flirting with you for the first few months doesn't mean that it didn't happen." 

"Elliot's been flirting with Baz?" I feel like I'm missing something. 

"Yes," Agatha says. She waves at the register. "They were literally just flirting in front of you, Simon. How could you not tell?" 

"I thought Elliot was just taking the piss," I defend. 

"What you think flirting is Snow?" Baz asks expressionless. 

I don't know why I start blushing. "I dunno just not that," I say. 

"Anyway," I continue. "Why would I think they were flirting? Baz isn't even gay." 

Now they are all looking at me like I am an idiot. It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. 

I don't think I've ever blushed this much in my life.

"I don't even know where to start with this," Baz says. 

"Baz is gay Simon," Agatha says at the same time. 

"He isn't even trying to hide it," Niall mutters. 

"What do you mean?" I ask Niall. 

Baz rolls his eyes then points at his hat. To his rainbow pin specifically. Dress code allows for hat pins. Agatha has a couple of floral ones and a pink taco, Niall has some anime ones, and I have a couple too. Mostly meme related. My favorite is my blue Keep Calm Carry On one. Even Ebb has a few tiny goat pins which she's named. Baz only has his rainbow pin. "What do you think this for then Snow?" he asks me. 

"Um," I say. "To show support?" 

"To show support," Baz repeats slowly. 

"Yeah," I say, dumbly. 

"How the hell you've survived this long Snow," Baz says. "I'll never know. You take obliviousness to whole new levels." 

"Yeah," I say again. Since there really is no arguing my way out of this one. 

"You're such an idiot," Baz says. 

I don't dispute him. I'm too busy rethinking every Elliot and Baz interaction I've witnessed. Then I'm rethinking everything I ever thought I knew about Baz. Between his hair, and his pin, and his well... everything. Hindsight is 20/20. 

Yeah, Baz's right I'm an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this post was completed at 12:30 AM on a Tuesday morning. I have a two and half hour drive ahead of me tomorrow. 
> 
> iced coffee exists for these situations. 
> 
> -still sleep deprived.


	3. carpool jealousy and misplaced priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> includes: a distressed (and not in a fashionable way) backpack, baz’s addiction to pumpkin syrup, a book about the supernatural, messy yet endearing handwriting, obligatory buzzfeed unsolved reference, a muffin tin, moronsexuallity, the worst thing in america, discount cold spots, an excessive use of brackets, and the growing pit in simon’s stomach. chris pine is the superior chris 
> 
> and nitpicking your crush till they explode is the mature way to handle your feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey void, 
> 
> I have another update for ya, and this is probably the longest update yet. I still have more plans for this story, but I don't know when the next update will be. I tend to just write the ideas as they come, but as I'm impatient, I'll just type out the full chapter till its done then immediately post it. maybe I ought to get a beta. anyone know any good ones/how to get one? 
> 
> hopefully, the next update will be soon. in the meantime maybe leave kudos or a comment that'd be great, and thank you to those of you that already have, they always make me smile. :)
> 
> anyway enough talking onto the story. 
> 
> enjoy!

**Baz**

I'm on my half when Snow sits down in front of me. I raise an eyebrow at him. "Are you here early?" I ask him. "You don't work until four."

He shrugs. Half of Snow's answers are shrugs. "Yeah Pen had an early shift today, and we're closing, so I came with her." 

I suppose that isn't out of the ordinary. Since they are roommates they frequently leave together, however. "Why are you talking to me?" I ask then take a sip of my pumpkin mocha. I know that the pumpkin syrup was canceled months ago, but I take advantage of my position to keep us well stocked. Ebb looks the other way. 

Snow throws his bag onto the table, and I wrinkle my nose. It's a gross thing with patches, water damage, and what I'd wager are multiple red bull stains. I lean away from it, and he rolls his eyes at me. Then he unzips the bag and pulls out a book. 

I blink at him slowly and lower my mocha. "Is that a book?" 

"Yeah," Snow says as if this is a normal thing. In the six months that I've known Snow I have never seen him open a book, it is this and a dozen other reasons (like his distaste for coffee) that make me wonder why he wanted this job. I suppose Penny might be the answer either that or he was desperate. 

I study the backpack again. 

I decide he was desperate. 

"Why do you have a book, Snow?" I ask. "I've never seen you read before. Didn't even think that you could." 

Snow huffs. "I can read," he protests. 

"Hmm, can you," I say. "You're uncompleted weekly task sheets say otherwise." 

Snow debates for a moment. Well longer than a moment. Another thing I wonder about Snow is what exactly his internal monologue consists of since he always takes a million years to respond to me. Finally, he says, "Whatever Baz." 

I smirk. I can't help it. I like winning. 

"Anyway," Snow says as he pushes the book towards me. "Here." 

I pick it up reluctantly and read the title. _Ghosts Among Us: A Study of the Supernatural_ in bright red text. The font is comic sans, lovely. "Oh, Snow, you shouldn't have," I drawl. "Why are you giving me this?" 

Snow shrugs again. If I had the time or the inclination, I'd keep a mental checklist of every one of Snow's shrugs, but I don't have that kind of patience or enough free space in my head. The part of my brain dedicated to Snow is too busy finding and keeping track of Snow's moles, which requires my utmost attention. 

"Because," Snow says. "I want to continue our debate last week." 

"What debate?" I ask. 

"The ghost debate," Snow clarifies. 

I raise my eyebrow imperiously. "That wasn't a debate Snow. That was public humiliation." 

"The ghost debate," Snow continues to insist and scrunches his nose at me. It's adorable. 

I try not to let it show that I think so, thankfully I am a great actor and Snow, as evidence suggests, is a complete oblivious moron. Seriously the man didn't even know I was gay, how the hell did he miss that? It's not like I am trying to hide it (those days are far behind me). I might not be the most flamboyant of people, but there are dozens of examples in the six months we've worked together that should have painted a picture for him. 

In June I mentioned going to Pride. I've had on more than one occasion debated with Agatha about which Marvel Chris was the most handsome (personally I think it's Pine even if he isn't Marvel. His performance as Steve Trevor convinced me, though I did like him in Star Trek). Just last week I was reading the _The Song of Achilles_ in the breakroom, and he must have known what the book was about since I know Penny has read it (it was one of our most heated book discussions). Hell, Snow was even present for that discussion. 

I wear a bloody rainbow pin. 

I stare at Snow as if the answer to his idiocy resides in the unremarkable blue of his eyes or the mole to the right of his cupid's bow. It doesn't, but I want to keep looking at them anyway. 

Currently, I'm trying not to acknowledge that I may have an issue concerning Snow outside of his work ethic. 

I may have a slight crush on him. 

I don't even know how it happened. Sure I've always thought he was fit since the moment I met him, but I've never had a crush on anyone like him before. Most of my adolescent crushes were smart enough to keep up with me and had hobbies that included chess, playing the piano, and not being an idiot. 

I run circles around Snow intelligently, and his hobbies seem to include picking fights with me, watching Youtube videos on his phone, and being a mouth breather. 

I never thought I'd be, as the internet puts it, a moronsexual as well as a homosexual, but here we are. I, of course, haven't told anyone. It's embarrassing to like someone so idiotic. 

So instead I nitpick at Snow until he explodes and hide my feelings underneath sneers while Niall gives me knowing looks (I've known Niall forever, and it is really annoying how often he sees through me). 

Instead, I try to focus on the man I am actually dating. Elliot and I aren't anything official (I don't think I am ready for that yet), but we've gone on a few dates and kissed a handful of times, which was nice. He's... nice. 

Instead, I try to dwell on anything that isn't Simon bloody Snow. 

It isn't like I have a chance with him. I am 99% sure he is straight, and I am always right (even if I do leave that one percent off because I am a weak love-struck masochist). 

Snow clears his throat which drags me back from zoning out, staring at him again. "Aren't you going to read it?" he asks me. 

"What's the point?" I ask. "Ghosts aren't real." 

"You don't know that," Snow says. "There's lots of evidence to support it." He taps the book. "It's all in here. I know you like evidence." 

I do like evidence, but I highly doubt that there is enough in this book to convince me. Still, I humor him and flip it open. 

"Are we Buzzfeed Unsolved now?" I ask him dryly while I study the pages. Snow has written notes in the margins of the book in his terrible penmanship. It looks like a fifth grader wrote them, and I wish I didn't find it as endearing as I do. 

"You watch Buzzfeed Unsolved!" he says excitedly, and I look up to meet one of Snow's bright smiles. For a second, my heart skips a beat. I've witnessed Snow's smiles a couple of times, but they have never been directed at me before. 

Bloody hell how does Bunce handle this? I feel like my eyes are burning from the sun. 

"No," I say, and his face falls slightly. 

Then he flashes me another smile. "Then how do you know it?" he asks. "I know how much you lie Baz. You watch it, don't you?" 

"I don't," I say. "Buzzfeed is a dull American waste of time. It's all clickbait and trends that will be dead in a week. It's the worst thing about America." 

Snow looks dubious. "Worst than their healthcare, immigration policies, treatment of minorities, and their education system?" 

I raise both my eyebrows. Did Snow just say something in the ballpark of intelligent? "Yes," I deadpan. 

"You don't believe that," Snow says. "And you watch Buzzfeed Unsolved. I'm on to you Baz." 

"I've seen one episode when Niall was over and wanted to watch it, and I made fun of it the entire time. I'd hardly call that watching," I argue. 

Snow grins at me like he's won something then pauses and gives me an odd look. "Niall comes over to your house?" he asks. 

"Yes," I say. 

"Why?" Snow asks. 

"Because he's my friend," I inform him. "Obviously." 

"You have friends?" Snow sounds honestly baffled. I don't understand him. 

"That's surprising to you?" 

Snow rubs the back of his neck. "Well yeah, you're so prickly." 

I frown. "I am not." 

"You are," Snow says then waves a hand and reaches into the backpack once again to pull out a beat up polaroid camera. 

"What is that for?" I ask. 

"To capture an orb," Snow says, like an idiot. "They are semi-transparent white balls that are indications of a ghost." He sounds like he is reciting from a textbook. 

This conversation is exhausting. "I know what orbs are Snow," I say, and he looks surprised.

"I thought you didn't believe in ghosts," Snow says. 

"I don't," I say. 

"Then how do you know what orbs are?" Snow asks. 

"I was a morbid kid," I say. "Living in a dark Victorian mansion will do that to you." 

Snow's eyes widened. "You lived in a mansion?" 

I wave a dismissive hand. "Anyway, you can't capture an orb Snow. The theory has been debunked in multiple supernatural circles." 

Snow raises his eyebrows (both of them he can't just raise one like me). "How do you know that?" 

"This book was written in 2003," I say. "You're information is outdated most of the community is in agreement now." 

"How do you know that?" he asks. 

"Don't you know, Snow," I say. "I know everything." Then I get up. My half's over now, and I need to get back to work. 

"See you in an hour," I say. "Don't be late clocking in again."

I hear the growl of annoyance behind me, but leave before he can get a word in. 

I like having the last word. 

 

**Simon**

I had just finished putting a load of dishes into the dishwasher when I felt it — a wave of cold. 

It is enough to make me shiver. 

Then the freezer door opens, and Baz steps out. When he sees me just standing there, he gives me a bored once over. "What are you doing, Snow?" 

I gesture at the sink. "Dishes." 

Baz just stares me before pointedly looking behind me. "When we have a line?" 

I didn't know we had a line. "Um," I say. "Yes?" 

Baz has the wondering what is wrong with me look again. "One of these days, we need to have a conversation about the concept of priorities. I'm pretty sure we went over this in training."

We did. "I didn't know we have a line," I say. 

"You shouldn't even be back here," Baz says and crosses his arms. "When I am back here. We are the only two people working right now. Agatha is on her half. You're supposed to be watching the register." 

"I thought you were out there," I say. Lame so lame. 

Baz is starting to look really annoyed now. "Didn't you hear me? I'm working on bake case right now. I told you this." 

I didn't hear that. I must have been busy with a customer. "I must have been busy with a customer," I tell him. "I didn't hear you. I didn't know you were back here." 

Baz rolls his eyes. "Is that all you can say, Snow? I didn't know?"

Now I'm starting to get annoyed. "Well, I didn't." 

"I don't have time for this," Baz says and starts towards the doors separating the back from the front. "We have a line." 

I had hoped that he had dropped it, but of course, I wasn't that lucky. Once the last customer walked away with their drink, Baz turns to face me. 

"I'm getting tired of having to explain this to you all the time," Baz says. "When someone is working in the back or taking their break, you need to be out here."

"I know," I mutter. 

Baz raises an eyebrow. "Oh, you do? I have yet to see that in practice."

"You said that we are running behind on dishes," I remind him. "If we want to close on time, we need to get those clean." 

"Yes," Baz says. "We are, and we do; however, customers are always our priority. I don't care what you are in the middle of, if you see a customer you stop what you're doing and go take care of them." 

I know I am scowling at him now, but I can't help it. I know that he is right, but he is the one who is always getting on my case for dirty dishes and late closing times. 

I swear nothing I ever do is good enough for him. I master one thing, and he finds another reason to chew me out. It drives me insane. 

Before I can truly lose it though Agatha comes back and her presence is enough for me to keep my cool, I don't like being a brute when Agatha is around. She's so pretty and soft. I don't want to upset her. 

I mean I don't like acting like a brute full stop, but Baz always brings out the worst in me. 

The next two hours pass at a snail's pace except for a few rushes which we always seem to get right when I am in the middle of something. Baz is right we are behind. At this rate, we won't get out until well after 11:30. 

Baz is extra snappy tonight. Hovering over my shoulder and directing me when I know he has other things he needs to be doing. Just because I didn't close the espresso machine down correctly and he had to come over and turn it off doesn't mean he has to keep watching me to make sure I don't screw up. 

I end up in the back again doing dishes. I'm lifting the muffin tin in preparation to wash it when Baz stops on his way to freezer and says, "Don't forget that those can't go in the dishwasher Snow." 

"I know," I say, annoyed. "You don't need to keep reminding me." 

"I wish I didn't," Baz says. "But I've seen you put it in the dishwasher multiple times." 

"I haven't done it in months," I defend myself. 

"Probably because I've been reminding you every time," Baz counters then disappears into the freezer. 

I feel another wave of cold wash over me, and when Baz emerges again, the space around me gets cold again. 

Baz, arms full of cheesecake boxes, pauses to look at what I'm doing. "Use more soap," he says and then leaves me again. 

I glare at the door and rub my goosebumps. It's way too cold in here. It's giving me an idea. 

I drop the muffin tin in the distilling fluid and head back out front. I see Agatha wiping down the area by the blenders, and I walk over to her and stand next to her until she notices me. 

Once she does, I say, "We have a cold spot." 

"A cold spot?" Agatha repeats. "What's that, Simon?" 

"A cold spot is an area of localized coldness or a sudden decrease in ambient temperature that indicates the presence of a ghost," I explain. 

Baz overhears of course. Just like I intended for him too. "Do you even understand any of the words you are saying?" 

I ignore him and focus on Agatha. 

Agatha looks confused. "You are still on about this ghost thing?" she asks. 

I nod smirking a little. "Of course. We have a ghost." I look pointedly over at Baz. 

Agatha seems to get it then. "Well we'll just have to add that to the evidence then." 

This is the reason I like Agatha. She catches on quickly. 

Baz snorts. "What evidence?" 

"The cups," I say. "The parament paper, and the cold spot by the sink." 

"That isn't evidence," Baz says. "Your so-called cold spot is just the air that gets let out whenever someone opens the freezer door." 

He's right of course, but I can't let him know that. "It's much colder this time," I argue. 

"If you haven't noticed," Baz says. "The heater has been acting up lately. Miranda is sending for a repairman, but it is going to be colder back here for a while until then." 

I know this, as well. Baz has been complaining about the cold more than he used to he's also wearing more layers. On top of his usual black long sleeve shirt, he is wearing a black jumper. Baz is always cold though even back in July he would wear long sleeves and dress pants. I, on the other hand, was always overheating in my t-shirt and shorts. 

I shrug. "Maybe the ghost messed with the heater too," I suggest. 

"The ghost didn't mess with the heater," Baz says, and he has the wrinkle between his eyebrows that means he is pissed. I like seeing it. There is nothing more satisfying to me than seeing Baz lose his cool. "There is no ghost." 

"There is," I say. "I've done my research." 

"You haven't researched shit Snow," Baz says. "Reading one book written sixteen years ago does not count as research." 

"I read more than one book," I say. "I just showed you the one with the most compelling evidence. You should borrow it." 

"I am not borrowing it," Baz says. "I am not entertaining this any further." 

"Why?" I taunt. "Are you afraid that you'll change your mind?" 

Baz's grey eyes narrow. They almost seem to flash in the light. They momentarily strike me before I refocus. 

"I won't change my mind," Baz is saying.

"There's only one way to prove it," I tell him. "Read the book. It won't take you long, a day at most." Baz is a fast reader. Penny complains about it all the time. He has a habit of bringing up a completely different book before Penny's finished the book they had been discussing the day before. Or worse he'll give the ending away or tell her some other significant spoiler. Drives Pen right mad it does. 

"Fine," Baz says, and I feel the rush of victory. "I'll read your silly little book if only to prove to you how idiotic you're being." 

Still high on my victory, the rest of the shift passes by quickly. We end up finishing closing a few minutes earlier in part because Agatha did a lot before she left at 6:30. Also, because as much as I hate to admit it, Baz is an excellent person to close with, if you disregard the constant nitpicking, he always completes his tasks quickly. Bake case is usually done by eight, and then he'll move onto dishes. Honestly, I don't have to do much at all, which would make me feel bad if I didn't know that it was how Baz prefers it. Still, when we aren't bickering, we make a good team. 

After we finish mopping we head up to the break room to gather our things and put our aprons and hats in our lockers. 

It doesn't take me long, and I wait and watch with my hands in my parka pockets as Baz takes off his work shoes and puts them in his locker. Without sitting down, he puts both his feet into his heavy black boots. He pauses for a second to type something into his phone. Then he walks over to the coat rack and puts on his long dark red coat, grey scarf, and beanie. Before he puts his leather gloves on though he sticks the ghost book underneath his arm. 

I smile at him, and for a second I think I see amusement in his grey eyes (I notice that his scarf is the same color), but it is gone too quickly to tell for sure. Still, I find myself smiling wider. 

Baz tilts his head at me as he opens the door. "What are you smirking about?" 

I shrug because I honestly don't know. "Nothing." 

Baz doesn't answer and keeps quiet all the way to the front doors where the booksellers are waiting for us. We all leave together so that whichever manager is on duty can lock up behind us. Penny notices the book tucked under Baz's arm (she helped me pick it out) and winks at me. 

I smile back at her still riding my victory high. 

As we are walking to our cars, I see a familiar figure approaching us. I recognize the dark skin and natural undercut. It's Elliot. He's wearing a deep green coat just as posh looking as Baz's, and much less practical boots. They don't seem very warm even if they are admittedly cool looking. 

He smiles at Baz as he approaches him. Baz returns it. 

My high fades a little. I'm not sure why Elliot's presence is bothering me lately, but whenever he stops by the cafe, I feel a pit in my stomach that doesn't go away until he leaves. Elliot's interactions haven't changed; he is still as nice to me as ever still leaves a tip, but something about him is making me uncomfortable. Maybe it has something to do with how Baz always lights up a bit whenever he sees him. It's a strange expression on Baz's face almost unsettling. Maybe that's why it is bothering me. 

The pit in my stomach is returning with each step Elliot takes towards Baz. Once he reaches him, he presses a light kiss to Baz's lips before pulling back. "Are you ready to go babe?" 

The knot in my gut turns tighter. 

"I'm ready," Baz says as he leans into Elliot a little. 

Elliot laughs and puts an arm around him. "Are you cold already?" 

"Maybe," Baz mumbles, but I am standing close enough to him to hear it. 

"Sometimes love I think you only date me for my body heat," Elliot says. 

The pet names are a new development. I'd never in a million years thought anyone would call Baz babe or love without getting their throat ripped out. 

"That's because you're smart," Baz says, pulling back and taking Elliot's hand. 

That's another new thing. I'd never imagined Baz being the sort for PDA.

I'm still thinking about it on the ride home. Penny is driving, and I'm sitting in the passenger's side with my arms crossed. 

"I just don't understand it Pen," I tell her. 

"What's there to understand Simon?" Penny asks. "They're dating it makes sense that they would want to show some form of physical affection." 

"I just didn't see Baz as the type," I say. 

"No offense Si, but up until a few weeks ago you didn't know Baz was gay either," Penny reminds me. 

"Yeah," I say. "But what's with the pet names?" 

"Again they're dating," Penny explains. "This is what people who are dating do." 

"Yeah," I agree. Penny and Micah certainly do. "But why was he picking Baz up? Why would they be hanging out so late? It's like 11:00." 

That is another thing that is bugging me. Why on earth would Baz be meeting up with Elliot so late? What are they doing? Where are they going? Maybe back to Baz's? Or perhaps even Elliot's? Are things really that serious already? 

"Baz's car is in the shop right now," Penny informs me. "So Elliot has been giving him rides to work." 

Oh. I feel a bit of relief at that. That's a reasonable explanation. He's probably just dropping off Baz at home. 

Still, I'm frowning. "I don't know why Elliot would go out of his way like that, though. H&M closes at nine like the rest of the mall. Plus I don't even think he worked today." I turn my frown on Penny. "Didn't you say that Baz lives close to us? Why didn't you offer for him to carpool with us?" 

Penny gives me an incredulous look. "Why would I do that? Simon, you hate Baz. I'd never force his company on you." 

I shrug. "I don't hate him exactly." 

"You don't like him," Penny says. "And I doubt riding to work with him will change that." 

"Probably not," I agree. I'm not even sure why I'm considering it, but the more I think about it, the more it feels right. "But I like Elliot. He's a good bloke he shouldn't have to go out of his way just because Baz's car is in the shop. Plus carpooling is better for the environment. Global warming Penny." 

Penny is giving me a funny look now but finally shrugs. "Fine, Simon. I'll text Baz about it tomorrow." 

Right obviously she couldn't ask him tonight. It's late. 

Still I'm feeling a bit better now. The pit in my stomach is loosening. 

I'm not sure why the thought of Baz carpooling with Pen and I instead of Elliot is making me feel better, but I decide not to dwell on it. 

It probably isn't important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this post was completed at 4:50 on a Thursday morning. I do have the day off tomorrow, but I also have a date. 
> 
> I hope he likes dark circles. 
> 
> -still sleep deprived.


End file.
